Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
