At least make sure they are 18
Why
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
