I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
