**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
