ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
