After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
