I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
