He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
