just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude. I can hear the air.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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