They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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