Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
