you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I smell like Dick and happiness
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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