mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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