Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
