How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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