i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
