I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
