There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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