I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
