Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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