Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
