So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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