You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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