I wanna passion pit in your ass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
