My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
