Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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