420 ftw
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
