i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
