Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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