i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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