Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
