i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
