Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just cropdusted the office
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
