living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
