Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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