she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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