literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
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it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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