I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
