You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
