did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
