I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
