You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
