Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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