Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
