My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
