she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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