i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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