not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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