what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
