Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
