when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
