Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
