Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
