they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
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