My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
