I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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