i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
