I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
