Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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