he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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