I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
