This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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