ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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