There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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