a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
