I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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