4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
