Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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