Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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