I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
