I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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