ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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