He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ttyl tear gas
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
