what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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