I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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