Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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