How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
