i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
