dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
